I ran across this little gem about mid-week and found it to be quite poignant. I've had a lot of ups and downs this week, days where I was in supermom mode melted into days where I felt more like psychomom. On Wednesday I felt accomplished and on top of my game only to feel hopelessly behind on Thursday and then Friday. The letting go and holding on can refer to a lot of different things, but to call it the art of living is an interesting singular metaphor with but one meaning, that it is an acquired skill. Much like one would need to train and learn to sculpt or paint fine works of art it takes time to learn this "fine mingling"; when to let go and when to hold on, what to let go of and what to hold onto, when what we should hold onto transforms into something we ought to let go and so forth.
It occured to me that the down swings we experience are largely due to our "fine mingling" being signifcantly less than "fine" or just plain all kinds of out of whack! I've always been proud that I held on well...but could it be done too well? I never gave thought to the fact that perhaps what I hold onto is the problem. When we have a negative experience our mind wants to latch onto it then suddenly everything seems bad or wrong or hopeless. This mood-congruent thinking causes us to continue a pattern of negative thinking that can carry through our day, our week, or even longer if we don't let it go. My morning peppered with disaster upon disatser had me ready for a breakdown. I hated my life and nothing was as I felt it should be, everything seemed wildly out of control. An hour and a half with my babies at the park was enough to put my mood back in perspective yesterday. I wasn't all sunshine and roses but I was able to maintain an even keel, no longer on the verge of having a kicking, screaming tantrum. We ought to be careful what we hold onto.
I know my self to be particularly weak in the letting go aspect of the art. I believe that I'm living and learning and improve all the time. This week I let go of a tremendous burden. I was able to strip away a facade and shine true to myself. I finally came to terms with and expressed many (certainly not all) of my feelings in the matter and was able to come away from it at peace and feeling somewhat renewed. Unfortunately now I'm left to analyze what it is I'm holding onto that would have prompted me to willingly carry such a burden as long as I did when it was not what I wished. More letting go is in order and my mind is struggling with my heart to bring about the needed release. This inner battle contributes to the ups and downs right now, but it time it will end. Sometimes what you ought to hold onto transforms into something you absolutely need to let go.
This absolute need to let go bleeds right into a desperate need to hold onto what I have in my hand. It's a queer little state of affairs. The things that we have readily in our hands seem unnecessary to hold onto. Some just sit there so tame and willing. We naturally hold onto, grasp the things we fear may be fleeting. But the steady, docile things pleasantly perched in our palms are left unsecured. Imagine for a moment that you've got a pearl sitting in your open hand, it's not going anywhere, it's beautiful. Suppose someone bumps into you? If you're lucky you'll close your fingers around your pearl in time to avoid losing it...but only if you're lucky. What we fail to realize is that we are standing with our pearls in the middle of Grand Central Station! We are going to get bumped, a lot, without fail. That may seem silly, of course in a busy New York City hub we would secure our valuables. Let me just say that we are much more diligent in caring for our material valuables than our intangible precious things... for heaven's sake hold onto your pearls! If you don't you may as well just toss them away now because you will lose them eventually.
No comments:
Post a Comment