Merely Me - Winding Up The Week

Here is something new and different... I'm blogging from my phone! LOL I love technology and the clever little ways it helps me daily.

So this week I did my math work (need to e-mail my teacher...doh!) And I think I'm making much better sense of things than I did in my first math class. I also finished part one of my humanities research project. Yay me! I am making headway with the house work and the laundry will be done by 10 tomorrow morning at the very latest. *Does the "cabbage patch" and chants "go me"* To top it all off I finally started the second sleeve on Moxie Girl's sweater which, in case you missed it, is the final portion to knit! I'm hoping to knock that out by Sunday morning!

It has been some week! I was off to a slow start but had an awesome day today and am planning to kick butt again tomorrow... which is kinda the reverse of last week. Oh the joys of being a SAHM! LOL
I had a handful of sickies this week and tomorrow I have the pleasure (touch of sarcasm) of having all the kids home from school. My Moxie is potty training rather well and I'm excited to be nearing the end of diapering children.

No real pearls of wisdom today. I'm mostly trying to organize my thoughts this time. My blog can't always have profound deep meaning. But I will share this little seed of truth with you, this week I realized that having a terrific marriage doesn't mean having a perfect marriage. I used to think I should hide the ups and downs I faced with my husband for fear people would think we had an unhappy marriage or a troubled relationship. It just hit me that all relationships see troublesome times. The fact that we can make it through those times, watch things fall apart and then work to put them back together, is what proves just how fantastic and strong our relationship, and the love its built on, is.

Edited to add that the laundry was done before I went to bed! *repeats the "cabbage patch" and chanting of "go me"*

Merely Me - The Art of Living

"All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on." - Henry Ellis

      I ran across this little gem about mid-week and found it to be quite poignant. I've had a lot of ups and downs this week, days where I was in supermom mode melted into days where I felt more like psychomom. On Wednesday I felt accomplished and on top of my game only to feel hopelessly behind on Thursday and then Friday. The letting go and holding on can refer to a lot of different things, but to call it the art of living is an interesting singular metaphor with but one meaning, that it is an acquired skill. Much like one would need to train and learn to sculpt or paint fine works of art it takes time to learn this "fine mingling"; when to let go and when to hold on, what to let go of and what to hold onto, when what we should hold onto transforms into something we ought to let go and so forth.

     It occured to me that the down swings we experience are largely due to our "fine mingling" being signifcantly less than "fine" or just plain all kinds of out of whack! I've always been proud that I held on well...but could it be done too well? I never gave thought to the fact that perhaps what I hold onto is the problem. When we have a negative experience our mind wants to latch onto it then suddenly everything seems bad or wrong or hopeless. This mood-congruent thinking causes us to continue a pattern of negative thinking that can carry through our day, our week, or even longer if we don't let it go. My morning peppered with disaster upon disatser had me ready for a breakdown. I hated my life and nothing was as I felt it should be, everything seemed wildly out of control. An hour and a half with my babies at the park was enough to put my mood back in perspective yesterday. I wasn't all sunshine and roses but I was able to maintain an even keel, no longer on the verge of having a kicking, screaming tantrum. We ought to be careful what we hold onto.

     I know my self to be particularly weak in the letting go aspect of the art. I believe that I'm living and learning and improve all the time. This week I let go of a tremendous burden. I was able to strip away a facade and shine true to myself. I finally came to terms with and expressed many (certainly not all) of my feelings in the matter and was able to come away from it at peace and feeling somewhat renewed. Unfortunately now I'm left to analyze what it is I'm holding onto that would have prompted me to willingly carry such a burden as long as I did when it was not what I wished. More letting go is in order and my mind is struggling with my heart to bring about the needed release. This inner battle contributes to the ups and downs right now, but it time it will end. Sometimes what you ought to hold onto transforms into something you absolutely need to let go.

     This absolute need to let go bleeds right into a desperate need to hold onto what I have in my hand. It's a queer little state of affairs. The things that we have readily in our hands seem unnecessary to hold onto. Some just sit there so tame and willing. We naturally hold onto, grasp the things we fear may be fleeting. But the steady, docile things pleasantly perched in our palms are left unsecured. Imagine for a moment that you've got a pearl sitting in your open hand, it's not going anywhere, it's beautiful. Suppose someone bumps into you? If you're lucky you'll close your fingers around your pearl in time to avoid losing it...but only if you're lucky. What we fail to realize is that we are standing with our pearls in the middle of Grand Central Station! We are going to get bumped, a lot, without fail. That may seem silly, of course in a busy New York City hub we would secure our valuables. Let me just say that we are much more diligent in caring for our material valuables than our intangible precious things... for heaven's sake hold onto your pearls! If you don't you may as well just toss them away now because you will lose them eventually.