A Rose By Any Other Name...

As most of you know I have refered to my husband as "Ricky" for the past 10 1/2 years. His family has called him "Ricky" since he was knee-high to a grasshopper, and since I met them before I met him it's what stuck. Interestingly when left to themselves (without me around using the name "Ricky") most other people who spend enough time with him to warrant a nickname call him "Rich". By now you may have guessed (if you didn't already know) my hubby's name is Richard. That's how he introduces himself to everyone he meets. Why? Because that's his "real" name.

It's kind of funny when I think about it... All of my girl friends call him "Ricky" and most of their husbands call him Richard and a few call him "Rich". I sometimes wonder if I had met him before his family would I have called him by his full name? Or perhaps shortened it up to "Rich" as most non-relatives do? I have no idea.

What I do know is that my husband hates being called "Ricky"...hates it! How could I have not known? He told me last week he thinks it's "lame" and "ridiculous". I feel kind of bad for letting such a basic fact go unnoticed. He doesn't mind "Rich" too much, but "Ricky", "Rick", "Richie", and "Dick" are out of the question.

So naturally I have to fix this. I mean I influence what other people know him as... I have turned perfectly good Richard users into "Ricky" users on more than a few occassions! So I'm gonna work on calling him Richard. I'm not sure I can do "Rich" so we'll start with the basics and then if I get too annoyed calling him by his full name I'll hack off the "ard". Sounds fair enough.

Now the rest of you, all I'm really asking from you is to not make a face or think I've gone snobby when you hear me saying Richard. You can feel free to be supportive and try using his full name or if you must shorten it, "Rich", but you don't have to. I know some of you are thinking "I've called him "Ricky" as long as I've known him I'm not about to start calling him something else just cause he's being picky". I can assure you he has always felt this way.

I know it may seem like it's just a name, and for flowers such as roses that may be true. Roses don't have feelings or preferences or a sense of identity. My husband does. As his wife I feel it's important that I help him be identified in a way that fits his preferences and personality, his personality as *he* sees it not as everyone else sees it. So here I go!

True Blogging

This weekend I learned that... I don't have as much time as I used to think... independance can end with blood and bandaids... "best friends" isn't always mutual... whoever said "keep your friends close and your enemies closer" must be insane... sometimes compromise is one-sided, and that's ok... my side doesn't always have to be the one to compromise, and that's ok too...everyone is human and is allowed make mistakes including me...it's easier to forgive other people for thier mistakes than it is to forgive myself for mine... I'm sick of acting and feeling like an old lady... I don't know anyone else with the guts and heart to raise 6 kids so therefore I don't know anyone with the right to judge my abilities as a mother...and finally, SIX may be "alot of" or "too many" kids for most people, but not for me! SIX is just right for *me*. I don't go telling everyone that they should have babies, or making them feel like freaks for having "so few" children, so how dare anyone make me feel bad for having "so many"?

I found that when I turn my focus inward to the people who deserve my attention the most, I don't have time to be at everyone's beck and call. I don't have time to help everyone or do for everyone. I don't have time to stop what I'm doing and dress the kids and load them up and go to visit people who can't even manage to pop in as they pass by my house on the interstate or take a different route to their destination to come see me and my family. I used to feel that these other people were so important that I would readily inconveinence my family and myself for them. But I really just don't have time. I have a full schedule, so full that even alot of my hobbies are on hold right now.

Independance feels good at the moment but all to often it smacks us in the face with the reality that we need other people and we are not as tough as we thought. Samuel thought he was big stuff getting himself a banana. But it turns out he couldn't open it. He thought he had the answer and decided to cut it open with a knife. Independance can end with blood and bandaids. A quick reality check that he needed some help, as do we all.

It is possible for a person to be our best friend and us to not be thiers. We elect how much of ourselves to give to any given relationship, but there's not guarantee that everyone will chose to give as much of themselves as we do. Even while we may think they do, it may be revealed that we were mistaken. We may even discover that our real best friends are people who bear other titles in our world, such as husband, or mother or aunt. Best friends undercover.

"Keep your friends close and your enemies closer"? This person cannot possibly have any real friends! First of all who would want to be friends with someone so deceitful and two faced. Second, he couldn't possibly have time to give to the friends if he's busy buttering up his enemies. Third, what friends would put up with playing second fiddle to people this guy doesn't even like? Fourth, I have found that when you actually get close to people, alot of times you realize you were wrong about them and even if you started off not liking them you end up being friends. That whole expression is just wrong, wrong, wrong on so many levels!

Sometimes a compromise is one-sided. Meaning that sometimes we will be the only one to give and bend to suit another person. There is nothing wrong with that. We can't always expect other people to give and bend and out of love we do all the bending in some instances. But on the flip side of that, we shouldn't always be the one compromising. The people in our life should recognize that there are times when it is easier for them to bend and give than for us to do so. I don't always have to be the one to compromise and I am not a bad person for expecting a mutual give and take. If I'm always the one compromised something is wrong with that relationship. Period. There are no exceptions.

I find it very easy to recognize that people are just people and they're gonna screw up. I learned this the hard way and with alot of prayer I have come to accept that it's not the end of the world or the relationship in question. I'm noticing though that it is difficult for people to accept or get over it when I screw up. I do try extra hard to think of people and their feelings before I act. I am uber kind if I do say so myself. But every now and then I get all human on folks and make a mistake that throws everyone all up in arms. Sorry. That's all I've got...is sorry. It happens. We all mess up. Oddly enough I have a harder time getting over my mistakes than anyone else does. I want so much to say and do right by people that when I make a mistake it eats at me. I can't let it go. I beat myself up for having been... human....go figure...

I AM ONLY 29 YEARS OLD! That is not old. I can still move and shake with the rest of them. Why have I gotten into this mindset that I'm old and everyone else is still so young? What have I done to myself? It's really all in my head. So I'm kicking it out of my head! I am not over the hill... I'm still climbing, far from peaking!

Okay last but not least, if any of you out there have six (or more) kids please raise your hand..........uh huh I thought so. If you did not raise your hand, DO NOT tell me how to raise my kids! Capisce? Y'all might not realize how many people act like they know what we're doing wrong or they know the "right way" to handle our kids. Y'all probably also don't realize when you're being one of those people. Here's something I read and understood and took to the bank. Everyone's parenting style is different. What works for one family might not work for another. Just because you wouldn't do it and they do doesn't make it wrong. It's just a matter of what we're willing to do as individuals. This is why in spite of having a half dozen kids I don't go around dishing out unsolicited parenting advice. So why, oh why, do people feel the need to treat us like we are screwing up our kids?

I love the way people talk about me behind my back, weather it's about something I'm not doing for my kids or my "dirty" house, and then readily say stuff like "better you than me" when they see what my family is like on the inside. They KNOW they couldn't do it and admit they wouldn't WANT to do it but still talk trash like they could do better if they were me?? Ha! I dare you...bring it! But I think you're right, it *is* better that it's me and not you. My personal fave is when people think that somehow their ONE active child compares to or is harder than having SIX busy children. Oh you poor thing... I'm not knocking you're abilities or belittling you because you only have one kid, but come on! Visit reality much? I'm not saying I'm better because I have more kids or that I can handle more than you. The proof is in the pudding there. All I'm saying is the playing field is far from level you do not have what it takes to take on my kids. Only I do.

Here's another little gem. I don't treat people with less kids (or no kids for that matter) like they are weirdos. I don't make anyone feel guilty for not having children or make them feel like they've made a wrong choice by only having 2.5 kids and a dog. So where do people get off judging us for having six kids? Making us feel like having all these kids was the stupidest thing we've ever done? I am through feeling bad. I am through listening to your ill informed opinions and advice...yeah I'm talking to you! If you want to lend a hand or be some kind of real help that's great, get dirty with me. But if all you want to to is stand on the sidelines and coach take a hike! We don't need your pointers.

Alright, I'm hopping down off my soap box now. I'm gonna go take today by the horns!